there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it because I queefed?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
