Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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