Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
