oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
