Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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