So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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