no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
