sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
