Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
