My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want nice things and good sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
