Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize