Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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