SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
