You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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