# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
