you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
