Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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