i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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