My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
