Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
