so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize