dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
