one two three fourrrrnication!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He felt like a one man threesome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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