that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Mom said you looked used
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
