Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize