sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drake has all the answers
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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