Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
