I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
