the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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