there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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