Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
