I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
