but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
