This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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