Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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