My room smells like vodka and shame
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
