Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
