That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
