How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
