I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
