Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
