well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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