grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
vagina is talking i cant
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
