Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
