38 yer olds are good kisserssss
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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