I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
