'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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