Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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