oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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