She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
