Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
