he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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