Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
