From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
