you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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