woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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