Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
