So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
