I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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