I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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