there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
