wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
