I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
