He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
