So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize